Latest Reviews & Updates

SBTB: Hawaiian Style (1992) The First Time (1968) Hardbodies (1984) Mon oncle Antoine (1971) West Side Story (1961) Harold & Kumar Christmas (2011) Harold and Kumar 2 (2008) Harold & Kumar (2004) Footloose (2011) Footloose (1984)

Van Wilder (2002) Heathers (1989) The Bikini Carwash Company (1992) Toga Party (1977) Where the Boys Are '84 (1984) Ski School (1990) Your Highness (2011) Paul (2011) The Change-Up (2011) Animal House (1978)

Latest Honorary Graduate : Wooderson
School might be out for summer, but B.A.L.L.S. Academy is now in session! Our curriculum includes raunchy sex comedies, teen movies, sexploitation, coming-of-age dramas, character salutes, trivia and just about everything in between with multiple updates each and every week. The opening round of reviews feature five flicks we’ve deemed essential, plus one that hangs nice and low with the big boys. So break out your spirit of choice, to hell with the mix and prepare to be schooled in the arts of chasing broads, raising hell, defying authority, and just livin’ life. June 8, 2011... B.A.L.L.S. drops!

Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style (1992)

"I’m Andrea Larson… watch out, Zack or you’re going to walk into a wall!"
"Well, hey, love hurts!"

The Story: 

Quaint vacation spot, the Hawaiian Hideaway is the destination of the Saved by the Bell gang, who are spending a well deserved summer away from Bayside High, books and teachers at Kelly’s (Tiffani Thiessen) grandfather’s hotel. Upon arrival, they learn that a greedy hotel conglomerate is frothing at the mouth to get their hands on the fledgling Hideaway, just weeks away from foreclosure. Moments after arriving from the mainland, the teens run into their Principal, Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins), whom is the figurehead in charge of booking hotels and arranging activities for a principal’s convention taking place on the island. Sensing a way to get Kelly’s grandfather back on his feet, they sabotage the tour’s service at the ritzy, immoral hotel and convince Belding to bring his group to the Hideaway, where they’ve all dedicated their services free of charge to provide the cozy, down to earth retreat with necessary staff. Left without much of a choice, Belding agrees as 40 principal’s vacations are either going to be ruined or saved by the same type of scheming brats they longed to get away from!

The First Time (1968)

"You guys are acting like a bunch of sex fiends!"

The Story:

Kenny’s (Wes Stern) dad has a job that requires a lot of relocating, so he soon finds himself forced to move when his dad takes a new position. This separates Kenny from his buddies, Mike and Tommy (Ricky Kelman and Wink Roberts), whom he still stays in touch with by writing letters. One of his correspondences mentions a Canadian whorehouse he frequents, so the Mike and Tommy hop on a bus with the intentions of joining their buddy on his exploits. The only problem is that said exploits are entirely fictional, so the three guys head to the Great White North in search of a house of ill repute that doesn’t even exist; instead, they find a normal girl (Jacqueline Bisset) whom they mistake as a prostitute.

Hardbodies (1984)

"Southern Comfort, is that your handle? "
"Yeah, I’m a little aged, but I go down smooth. "

The Story: 

Good-hearted malingerer Scotty Palmer (Grant Cramer) has finally pushed his landlord too far and finds himself without a place to live, crashing on the beach with nothing but a blanket and some beer. A natural with the ladies and hotshot bullshitter, Scotty insists that “dialogue” is the key to a woman’s heart – even if said dialogue rarely comes from his own. His girlfriend, Kristi (Teal Roberts) and best dude, Rag (Courtney Gains) are the only people he isn’t constantly trying to get over on, as three thirty year-olds soon find out when they discover him joyriding with babes in their convertible. The trio asks Scotty for tutelage on how to score with the beach’s many Hardbodies, even going so far as to offer him hundreds of dollars a month and the use of their luxurious beach house as a home and party pad in return. With his back against the wall, the reluctant Scotty sees he has no choice and takes on the arduous task of turning the sleazy businessmen into babe magnets.

Mon oncle Antoine (1971)

“What am I doing here, Benoit? I'm not happy. I'm not made for the country. I hate it here. I wanted to buy a hotel in the States. Your aunt wouldn't let me. She says no to everything. I'm afraid of corpses. I've been afraid of corpses for 30 years! I work for everybody. Your aunt never gave me a child. I have to take care of other peoples' children. I raise Carmen and you. Haven't I done all I could for you?”

The Story:

On a 1940s Christmas Eve in wintry Quebec, young Benoit (Jacques Gagnon) unexpectedly begins an odyssey of self-discovery at his uncle Antoine’s (Jean Duceppe) general store. Little does he know that he’ll end up in the remote house of the Poulin clan, whose patriarch has just set off on his own journey. Both paths inadvertently intersect when tragedy befalls the home, leading to Benoit’s epiphany about the nature of both life and death.